An overdue update

[Steve]

Greetings everyone.

I thought I had done an update but apparently it's been 2 years since my last. My apologies and I hope that everyone is doing as well as possible.

I have decided against any further surgeries or angiograms until I experience serious issues. The risks are too high and I think I'm about out of cards to play if you know what I mean. (Lot of surgeries and minimal loss).

I still stumble frequently but rarely fall. My left leg is hyperflexic and my right leg is partially numb on one side all the way from the thigh to the pinky toe. Over time my calf muscle on the right leg has grown considerably compared to the left. It's always tense and uncomfortable. My left buttocks muscle is ALWAYS tense & painful and is considerably the most annoying aspect of my symptoms.

The dangers of a bleed are always on my mind and unfortunately I can't ever seem to forget. It's like a tease in respect to being able to do things but knowing that if I lift, push, pull, strain, stress out or do anything that raises my blood pressure that I have an elevated risk of a hemorrhage. Thus leading to potential paralysis or death.

Not being able to work due to the risks, I've had an overwhelming amount of time to sit at home (mostly on the internet expanding my educational horizons). The things that I have learned have dramatically changed my lifestyle. I’ve been working towards becoming a homesteader, living as much off grid as possible and preparing for what I believe to be a potential nightmare that may occur in the near future. Whether this becomes reality or not is mostly speculation based on years of “homework”. It was mostly by accident that I learned these things but it all started with my simple desire to acquire a concealed carry permit.

I've never been a political or current events guy. In fact, I intentionally avoided it all because I found it to be a headache. I never acclimated or considered myself any party or label. I figured that if I were to just leave everyone else alone and do my own thing without causing harm to people, property or business that I too could be left alone to live my life freely. It didn’t take long to discover otherwise.

I spent a lot of time researching the laws related to the concealed carry to be sure that I knew what I was doing and didn't cause any trouble. Doing this lead to the curiosity of the law making process (I didn't remember it from school). While doing this, I started to learn about politicians, political parties, lobbyists, government structures and how it all worked. Doing all of this lead me to a conclusion that it was not being done the way it was intended from the creation of our country and the Constitution & Declaration of Independence it was based on.

This is where it all went horribly wrong. I discovered the rabbit hole and dove in head first, completely unprepared. I started learning the most intricate details of branches, checks & balances, legislation, elections, political parties, lobbying, fund raising, international policy, government organizations, etc. and how all that stuff worked. I concluded that I was neither Republican nor Democrat. Also that the two party system in fact a part of a clever paradigm to keep people divided while the super rich corporate elites lobbied, practiced the revolving door policy in the governmental alphabet mafia organizations and participated in monetary ponzy schemes that would make Bernie Madoff look like Big Bird from Sesame Street. All for what appears to me to be a self serving and generally sociopathic power grab. Perhaps even, just a game for the elite that already have everything.

I found that when I tried to share things of this nature with people that they were either not interested and didn’t care, immediately retaliated with “conspiracy theorist” or some other status quo label in a derogatory manner without bothering to look at anything themselves or already knew it was happening and have for many years. After a couple years of research and talking to many people about subjects of this nature, I concluded that a lot of people were only interested if it directly affected them or their immediate surroundings or they claimed not to have time (If the information lead to the possibility that the reality they knew was a farce, wouldn’t you think someone could make the time? Perhaps not, if they were comfortable in their fantasy utopia. I guess…). It’s really sad because it affects everyone by slow incrementalization. Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it. I think by the time enough people realize what’s really happening, it will be too late. It’s been happening for decades and still it’s a lonely reality as a minority. I suppose having the health condition that I do, I should be used to that.

Thus we come to the present day where I have concluded that my best path in life is to live it to the fullest in the way that I believe would best benefit future generations of people. Death is an inevitability and it only seems logical now to do what I feel is right in life, regardless of the risks. It took a lot of time for me to realize that I am just a small piece of the pie and that my purpose in life is to try and make life better for future generations. Too many people think about “I” and not “We” and I believe that selfish greedy attitude to be one of the most destructive traits of humanity.

If things really get as bad as I expect, there will be an awful lot of people that don’t understand the who, what, where, why and when. Being that people are generally close minded and self-serving, I will be of better use as a teacher for those seeking knowledge rather then a reporter to those who don’t care. To this day, I still find it all to be a headache.

As grim as this all sounds, I still hold faith in humanity. I only hope that I’m not proven wrong or that I live long enough to be proven correct in placing that faith. There are bigger things than "me" or "you". Think about "us".